Top tips to make people feel bad
Every day we're reading or listening to part of the Bible together and sharing thoughts with you. Today it’s Bern Leckie:
What did I like about today’s passage?
I’m building up a very useful picture of how NOT to offer pastoral care to someone in difficulty. The wisdom here carries the usual HEALTH WARNING that it sounds good in little chunks, but it’s still toxic to Job as it’s rooted in error, so don’t take it to heart.
Here are the main tips I gleaned from Eliphaz’s masterclass in not helping:
Ask big, important, interesting questions and then leave them hanging - they make you look clever. "Can a man be of benefit to God?" is a brilliant discussion point, but the best way to impress (or annoy) someone is to ask it rhetorically - make sure there's no space for a reply, and move straight on to another topic as quickly as you can.
Make up your mind about the cause and solution of someone's problem for them. Why risk sounding weak and vulnerable by listening properly to the person with the problem when you can be strong and decisive instead? Specific, clear accusations like "You gave no water to the weary and you withheld food from the hungry" will impress your authority upon anyone listening - they don't have to know you have no actual evidence for this. Your heartfelt belief and opinion are what matter most.
Whatever a person's problem or state of mind, sweeping generalities about blessings from God will surely make them feel better. In fact, if you know a formula for prosperity, just preach that - what else matters?
What did it show me about Father God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit?
Eliphaz's advice might actually make sense if God worked the way he seems to expect, as a dispassionate and predictable overseer of a manageable religious system. But I think there is an answer to his rhetorical question, "What pleasure would it give the Almighty if you were righteous?" - lots! Right relationships are everything to God, and the Old and New Testaments are full of examples of the lengths God has gone to so that we can find righteousness and enjoy life with him. We find that through life in Christ, bought for us by the Almighty at the greatest imaginable cost.
What am I going to do differently as a result?
Be a better helper than Eliphaz! I think remembering the depths of God's love as shown in Jesus is key to this, because it reminds me that, as clever and insightful as I'd like to think I am, God is the source of the wisdom, love and righteousness which can solve problems, and the best thing I can do is bring people to him to find those things.
Who am I going to share this with?
We have a new open house group for online discussion. I’m hoping people will bring others along who want to get closer to Jesus. Our aim for this is that, even though we are physically separated, we can seek him together rather than try and sort life out by ourselves.