Staying open to learning
Every day we're reading or listening to part of the Bible together and sharing thoughts with you. Today Mal Calladine gets into our fifth monthly chunk of ‘Practical Proverbs’… nuggets of knowledge that have loads of life application.
What did I like about today’s passage?
We continue to chew on the different diet that is Proverbs - each little verse couplet being a little discipleship piece of chewing gum - short, pithy, sticky, memorable one-liners - that has the goal of gaining wisdom and instruction (1:1-7). So which Wrigley’s Extra had fresh impact for me this time…?
It was the repeated theme (summed up in 13:13) of being open to challenge, correction and rebuke.
13:13 says: “He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded.” That comes directly after one of the most quoted verses from this section, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick; but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (13:12) How much is seeing our hopes and longing fulfilled linked to our ability to take a challenge of counsel, wisdom and advice well?
This theme even starts in 13:1, the wise son who heeds parent’s instruction, and continues on…
The teaching of the wise is “a fountain of life” (13:14)
Who heeds correction is honoured; but ignoring discipline leads to poverty and shame (13:18) - Walk with the wise – get wise; be a companion of fools and suffer harm (13:20)
It’s tough coming off the path because more discipline is needed then; but if we don't, the consequences are worse: “He who hates correction will die” (15.10)
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed (15:22)
He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise (15:31)
All of these focus on different elements that help me ask: where am I open to advice and life-giving rebuke? Growth can be a stretch and uncomfortable, so it can be easier to just seek comfort and avoid challenge; these verses motivate me to attend to this afresh.
What did it show me about Father God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit?
In each soundbite I see different characteristics and dynamics of God in how he relates to me as a Father...
Being a learner (‘a mathetes’ in Greek, and where we get the name ‘Matthew’ from) is the literal description of ‘disciple’. A ‘learner of the Lord’ who is sensitive to follow where He is leading, and challenging me... It's the same dynamic that God as my Father wants my attitude to be, as what I know I want in my children, who I love and care about so much: to be a good ‘learner of life’; to choose wisely friends and places to take input; to follow (and be sensitive to) the leading of the Lord, which includes taking a challenge well; being able to say sorry easily; and acknowledge, respond to, and sort where I’ve done it wrong.
I’m reminded of the movie and book ‘Yes-Man’ that I’ve seen promoted this week (the book by Danny Wallace is way better than the Jim Carrey movie BTW!). I found it very convicting about being open to opportunity that life (through the Spirit?) might be bringing up – to choose to say ‘yes’ to what life is raising and be willing to be uncomfortable and less safe in a challenge – as long as its life affirming! It made me think that people who embrace and say ‘yes’ to what’s coming up are more sensitive to what the Holy Spirit is doing – even if they are unaware of His presence!
One verse gave the other side of the coin and ‘why’ there is a need to attend to this. The one that says life is full of smelly difficulties! 14:4: “Where there are no Oxen, the manger is clean! But from the strength of the Ox comes a big harvest!” Life is not poo–free! Where there is life there is poo! But when we embrace that life and harness it (literally, appropriately in this analogy) with others; there is greater strength.
It also made me reflect again that God as Father likes confrontation with us, because it’s part of connection??!! Not badly done; but getting things into the light as He is in the light (1 John 1:4-9). That gives the opportunity to raise things; address them; and see momentum and change.
But there is a much mis-used and misquoted verse as an excuse for abuse in here too (13:24). We all need discipline (that's what I understand ‘spare the rod; spoil the child’ means); but the other half of that verse says that the parent who challenges and disciplines must be ‘rooted in love’. That is the only appropriate context to talk boundaries. Culturally a shepherd’s rod kept what they cared for on the path. There has been abhorrent misuse of this verse without the rootedness and context of love, which needs to be read in the context of another verse here (15:1) which says, “Gentleness turns away wrath; the fruit of being harsh is only anger”. Anger, which never helps connection; or correction! The goal of all these verses is to see change in us – to help us be open to growth and momentum. And Romans 2:4 says that it is receiving God’s kindness that leads us to be willing to consider change…
What am I going to do differently as a result?
I want to say ‘Yes’ more!! To default to ‘Yes’ to life opportunities, rather than be wary - it might be God!
And I want to reflect on, review and respond to my relationships where I know I’m open to their challenge. Are those connections in a healthy place? What do I need to do to feed those friendships?
It's a scary thing when your kids quote back to you things you’ve said, to make the opposite point you are trying to say! But it’s kind of wonderful too. In my experience they’ve tended to be right! They’ve taken the idea offered and applied it in a way I wouldn't think of. I often talk about “comfort and challenge” – everyone likes to be encouraged, praised and comforted; but it’s more deep and trusting relationships who take a challenge.
This is both a receiving and giving thing. Who do I allow to challenge me? And who takes my challenge? (And do I notice who doesn't?)
I think I also need to reflect more on being more disciplined in not spending much of my time with those who I observe don't take my challenge!
I saw a comment online that resonated with me: “why do I accept criticism from someone I wouldn't look to for advice!” ‘Walk with the wise – get wise’ as 13:20 said; and how do I put boundaries on the foolish voices I currently let in – who, as Bern wrote in his response to Job, are normally in the ‘Comments’ section on Social Media!
But mainly I want to review my ‘Sliver’ mentors! Those I give permission to really speak into different areas of my life – some in an organised way; some more informal and occasional. This is an idea from the business book “Blink”; that we all need mentoring in lots of areas, but it’s not a case of one size fits all, when you call someone a ‘mentor’. For instance, I so trust my thrice-divorced businessman friend’s natural ability and wisdom in making money, but I wouldn’t go to him first for input on my marriage! And it’s something we joke about!
I’m also challenged by the judge and community leader I know who wanted to stay a ‘learner’ when in a role where he told most people he met what to do every day. So every year he chose a new activity or challenge where he needed to be in the role of learner and apprentice to someone else, to be reminded of the dynamic and what it feels like. It was that inspiration that led me to get my chainsaw and volunteer with a tree surgeon on my day off once a month to be his ‘groundsman’ - and get ‘paid’ in fresh wood! Where do I need to put myself in a learner / apprentice role at the moment?
Who am I going to share this with?
My ‘Sliver’ mentors’ areas are: Marriage; Parenting; Spiritual (inner journey); Finances (inc. mortgage); Work role ‘best fit’; Church ‘experience’; practical house skills; and hobbies (sports and chainsaws!). It’s who I trust enough in each area to invite them to challenge what they observe of me. People who are normally further down the road than me, who I think carry fruit and wisdom in ways that I might want to adopt or adapt. It reminds me I need to email a contact to ask them to teach me how to make and apply mortar to do some ‘pointing’ around our house!
I’m going to think more on my list of mentor areas, chat with Chriscelle about reviewing our list, and how we could respond to these people, and check in with them.